


If found, please return to Aurora Thorne, sixth-year Slytherin

by AuroraRose1959



Category: Disney Animated Fandoms, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, F/M, Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraRose1959/pseuds/AuroraRose1959
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The private journal of a girl under a curse she's not sure she's safe from even at Hogwarts. She'll have to learn to rely on her friends if she hopes to finish the year. Featuring Aurora, Jasmine, Anna, Phillip, Flynn, and a whole host of your favorite Disney characters!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry 1: August 31

I've never kept a journal before. It always seemed unsafe, leaving private thoughts on paper where anyone can read it. But Aunt Fauna insisted I need to get my thoughts out somehow. She told me she and Aunt Flora and Aunt Merryweather enchanted this book so that it will only open when it believes I want it to. Though I admit I am not entirely sure I like the idea of my journal having some degree of consciousness, I trust my aunts' magic. At Aunt Fauna's request, I am to write in it at least three times a week.

I really am going to miss my aunts terribly. However things go this year, once I am seventeen I won't be spending my summers here with them any more. My parents will expect me to move into the Thorne Manor, or I'll be off on my own. I don't much care for either idea.

Mother and Father can't come see me off to Hogwarts tomorrow, but they are coming for dinner tonight. We honestly do all love each other, but I know they're only coming because it's their familial duty. And frankly, that's the only reason I'll meet them in the dining room tonight. This summer, things have been rather strained. With my seventeenth birthday coming this spring, they've been trying to act as though there's nothing to worry about, and I just want them to face facts and help me figure out what to do if things go badly. But the few times I've tried to bring it up, Father just started going on about how wonderful it will be for me to be of age, and how he'll have to start introducing me to some of his friends and colleagues in the Ministry, and how he's sure they'll all be clamoring for me to work in their departments. And Mother just purses her lips and allows him to change the subject like that, because she won't disagree with him on anything in front of anyone else.

And when he's not being unreasonably optimistic about my future, Father insists on discussing his efforts to stop the Ministry from recognizing muggleborns as wizards and witches. He's always acted as though he doesn't know I disagree with him, and I gave up vocalizing my own opinions years ago. I suspect Mother probably knew this would be a particularly touchy subject this summer and suggested he not bring it up, because I don't recall him doing so nearly as often these past two months. I just hope he keeps his mouth shut for the two hours I get to see him tonight.


	2. Entry 2: September 1

I suppose last night could have been worse. Father did bring up my moving to the manor after this year, and I did, quite without meaning to, blurt out, "But I don't suppose the offer will still stand if I'm a squib before the year's out?" And after a shocked silence he did ask me to pass the rolls and then ask me what classes I hoped to take this year, essentially confirming what I've been thinking the past few years: that if it comes down to it, he'll either have a witch he can be proud of for a daughter, or he'll just pretend that he has no daughter at all.

But Mother did give me a particularly long embrace and whispered, "I love you-now and always," before they left. I expect I can count on her to be supportive, at least behind her husband's back.

And I managed to not have a panic attack.

So, as I said, it could have been worse.

My trunk's all packed. Uniforms, robes, cloaks, my Slytherin scarf, Jasmine's butterbeer-stained Slytherin scarf that somehow went home with me, cauldron, phials, telescope, scales, books. Well, most of my books. As always, I gave Anna some of my pocket money at the end of last year to buy an extra muggle studies book for me. And she and Elsa have all my muggle clothes in their trunks. Anna always manages to find good deals on used books, so I'm hoping she'll have enough left of the money I gave her to buy me some new clothes as well. I could go for a new cardigan.

And now I'm just sitting on my trunk in the foyer, waiting for Aunt Flora to finish packing up all my tea. I'm excited about going back to Hogwarts, but right now I'm mostly just anxious about the journey there.


	3. Entry 3: September 2

If I didn't have a curse to worry about, here's what today's journal entry would look like:

_I met with Professor Enchanteresse today and I found out that I meet the minimum requirements for all my classes. I've decided not to drop any of them, which means no free periods for me. I was warned to expect a substantial increase in homework this year, but I've never taken nearly as long to do homework as most other students, so I decided I could probably afford to keep taking nine classes. I hope I'm not overestimating my abilities._

_Jasmine and I compared schedules over dinner. She took one glance at mine and told me, "You're crazy. I dropped Herbology and Magical Creatures and I'm still worried about my N.E.W.T.s."_

_I couldn't tell her that I wasn't crazy because I've always been better in school than her anyway, but I did say, quite honestly, "But I'm also not on the Quidditch team because I put academics before everything else."_

_To which Aladdin declared loudly, "No, you're not on the Quidditch team because you can barely stay on a broom."_

_Which of course everyone had a good laugh at. Great to be back at Hogwarts._

Since, however, I do have a curse to worry about, here's my actual entry:

As usual, I was on edge as soon as I left the house yesterday morning. I kept tight grip on my wand until we made it to Platform 9 3/4, and I know my aunts were vigilant as ever. After I said goodbye to all of them and found an empty compartment on the train, I did a bit of deep breathing and told myself that I was safe now, that I didn't need to worry about anything anymore. And it more or less worked. By the time Anna came bounding in, I was able to pretend like nothing was wrong. Jasmine came in and sat down next to me, shooting me the usual why-are-you-friends-with-an-annoying-Hufflepuff glare and everything was nice and normal.

Then the trolley lady came. But it wasn't the usual trolley lady. This woman was a good thirty years younger and I'd never seen her in my life. When she asked, "Anything from the trolley?" she looked right at me and it suddenly occurred to me that this could be her. I calmly told her that we didn't want anything and shut the door.

Jasmine immediately demanded, "What was that about? I wanted a licorice wand!" But Anna quickly shushed her because my breathing was getting louder and far too rapid. She knelt in front of me and grabbed my hands. She told Jasmine to find the tea in my trunk and make me a cup. To her credit, Jasmine didn't question her, though I'm sure she must have been extremely confused.

Anna stayed there and talked me through the attack, getting me to focus on my breathing. I stared at the yellow ribbons that tied off her orange braids, trying to block out everything but the sound of Anna's voice, the feeling of my lungs expanding and contracting, and sight of those yellow ribbons.

After a few minutes I calmed down enough to drink some of Aunt Flora's tea. I have no idea what she does to those tea leaves but it helps settle me after an attack like nothing else. An awkward silence was eventually interrupted by Jasmine clearing her throat. "Aurora? You okay?"

I couldn't look her in the eyes. "Yeah, sorry, this . . . this just happens sometimes. Started last year. I didn't really want anyone to know. But it's not a big deal. I'm really sorry about that."

"She knew." The accusation in her voice made caused my whole body tense up. Before I could say anything, Anna jumped in.

"Well, you see-please don't tell anyone about this-but my sister Elsa sometimes gets like that when something upsets her, and Aurora saw one time, and told us she started having the same problem but that her aunt sent her this tea that seemed to help with the, I guess, after-effects, and she gave Elsa some, which, by the way, we've been meaning to thank you for, Aurora, cause she's used it a couple of times this summer and it worked really well-"

Jasmine interrupted. "So this happens when you're upset? But what happened just now?"

And I couldn't answer her. Her finding out about my panic attacks is one thing. I can't let anyone know about the curse. I don't see how anyone here could possibly look at me the same way if they knew what might happen.

Since then I've thought the whole episode over and I now seriously doubt that the trolley lady was actually the witch I feared she was. But it has reminded how cautious I have to be this year. I guess I can't go to Hogsmeade any. And I'm definitely staying here for Christmas. With all its protective enchantments, Hogwarts is the safest place for me to be right now.

Jasmine hasn't brought up what happened on the train. She's been acting like everything's fine. I'm not sure if that means she's not upset that I've been hiding things from her, or if she's just being like Father and pretending the problem isn't there. All I know is I've had a really hard time falling asleep these past two nights now. Hence me writing a particularly long and detailed journal entry at two in the morning.

Aunt Fauna was right about me needing this. I certainly don't feel like I can talk to anyone else.


	4. Entry 4: September 6

I've decided that I must have been imagining any tension between me and Jasmine. She and I spent all day together, alternating between studying and playing exploding snap. Flynn Rider came and joined us for a bit, which was a bit weird because since he's a year ahead of us, neither of us know him that well. And I never expected Jasmine to tolerate him for more than thirty seconds, considering that comment he made about her last year. No one actually heard it but her, but it's presumed to have been about her rear and she slapped Flynn across the face for it. But anyway, turns out he's all right when he's not making a pass at someone.

I really don't know what it is with our seventh-year boys and the constant flirting. I'm not sure if it's a Slytherin thing or a seventh-year thing or what, but they're all pretty terrible. Naveen and Gaston are the worst about it, but really all of them but Adam are guilty of it. Hans doesn't go after girls very often, but I still lump him in with the other guys because of what he did to poor Meg their fifth year.

Every guy in Slytherin has tried to get Jasmine to do anything from go out with them to make out with them, and probably more. She's always acted like they're not worthy of her, and she's generally been right. But I'm hoping she'll eventually get together with Al. I feel like they'd be good for each other, and I suspect he's crushing on her. I also want to see Anna with a boyfriend, just because I know she'd make a really adorable girlfriend for someone, but I haven't found anyone for her. Maybe Kevin MacGuffin? They're in the same house and he seems sweet.

It feels nice to be thinking about ordinary, everyday things.


	5. Entry 5: September 8

Guess who happened to be in the hall outside the Muggle Studies classroom as Anna and I and the rest of the sixth-years in the class walked out? Richard Gaston and Jesse Lefou. Guess who apparently had not previously known that yes, I, Aurora Thorne, a pureblood Slytherin, was taking Muggle Studies? Richard Gaston and Jesse Lefou. And guess who decided to make a huge scene about it? Gaston and Lefou.

It started with me being labeled a blood traitor. Anna stood up to them and got called a mudblood. Kristoff Lange overheard as he was coming out, and told them angrily, but quite calmly, that they had better apologize. Suddenly Lefou had pulled his wand out, so Kristoff of course got his ready to defend himself if need be, and then Gaston tried to hex him. By the time Professor Radcliffe emerged to investigate the noise, several others had entered the fight, including a couple of seventh-year Gryffindors-whether or not they knew what was even happening or just saw a fight and threw themselves in is difficult to say. All manner of jinxes and hexes were flying, and Radcliffe nearly got hit. Her shout of "Augamenti!" and the shock of being unexpectedly doused in water stopped everyone before any real damage was done.

We all had to go report to Headmaster Yensid and naturally everyone had a rather different account of what happened. Gaston and Lefou claimed that Kristoff was the first to pull his wand, so it was their word against his. Anna tried to explain what happened but when she's angry she loses most of her rationality, so it largely came down to my testimony. Thanks to me, Gaston and Lefou have two weeks' detention, and Slytherin lost twenty house points. And thanks to Gaston and Lefou, half of Slytherin hates me for betraying our house. This will be a great week.

 

Update: The Hufflepuffs applauded when I walked in the Great Hall for dinner, and the DunBroch girl from the Gryffindor Quidditch team shouted that I was an honorary Gryffindor. I honestly can't remember feeling so embarrassed in my life.


	6. Entry 6: September 11

I just need this week to be over. I'm so exhausted. I've been too anxious to sleep because I room with Anastasia Tremaine, Bella Tinker, and Vanessa Trident, all of whom I've already been intimidated by for five years. And now that they all hate me for ratting out fellow Slytherins, I'm pretty much terrified. Jasmine's with us too, but I've been too scared to ask her about the whole betrayal incident. So I just sit up in the common room until at least one in the morning so I can be sure they're asleep before I go in. And then I still lie awake for about an hour. I wake up a few times during the night. And then I get up a good hour before everyone else. The Hufflepuffs have pretty much adopted me, so I spend some of my free time with them, but I've been so on edge this week that I keep feeling anxiety attacks coming on and I frequently end up leaving Anna and her friends to go hide out in a broom closet or an unused classroom.

And on top of everything else, this week's anxiety keeps making me think of what my anxiety is usually about, so I'm been worried about that too.

Something's got to change soon. I don't know if I can handle this much longer.


	7. Entry 7: September 13

I suppose I can say I survived this week. I feel like even Anna must be getting tired of me by now.


	8. Entry 8: September 15

I'm tired of having to write in this stupid journal. It's just going to be the same every entry. I'm depressed, I'm scared, I don't know what to do, everyone hates me, I hate me.

Bloody hell, I'm pathetic.


	9. Entry 9: September 18

Had an attack just before I was to go down to dinner. Haven't eaten since breakfast. Starting to fall a bit behind in homework. Still very little sleep. Still not handling anything correctly. Still don't know how to handle anything correctly.


	10. Entry 10: September 20

Required third and final entry for the week. I have so much going on in my head but I don't want to see it on paper. The last thing I want right now is more reason to hate myself.


	11. Entry 11: September 21

I never would have expected Flynn Rider of all people to actually be helpful. But that's exactly what happened last night.

It was about two o'clock in the morning, and I was as usual in the common room, pretending to do homework. Suddenly I heard a voice from beside me say, "Aren't you a little too good at school to need to stay up this late studying?" My heart leapt to my throat, I was so startled. Flynn was sitting right next to me on the sofa and I hadn't even heard him enter the room.

I stammered something about being behind in history. He rolled his eyes and asked why I had really been staying up in the common room the past couple of weeks. When I didn't answer, he looked at me with more concern than I thought he had in him for anyone but himself.

"Look, Aurora, I get it, you don't want to tell me. That's fine. But whatever it is, even I can tell you're not yourself anymore. Have you told anyone what's got you so messed up?"

I opened my mouth but was afraid to speak for fear I'd start crying, so I just shook my head no.

He let out a long breath. "Damn it, Aurora, I thought you were smarter than that."

I went into defense mode. "Like you open up to people when you have a problem."

"Yeah, but you don't want to be as screwed up as me," he stated simply. "You're obviously a strong person, but whatever's going on is too big even for you."

I inclined my head so that my hair hid my face; I was having to fight back tears. He couldn't possibly think I was strong, but he seemed so sincere and I desperately wanted to believe that maybe other people didn't see me as weak as I felt.

After a pause, he said, "Start with someone easy, maybe that Hufflepuff girl who always hangs around you. She seems like the mindless puppy type. I'm sure you could tell her you're actually a serial killer and she'd still love you, maybe even help you hide the bodies."

I glared at him for making fun of my friend, but he just grinned. "There's the Aurora I know." His smile softened. "All kidding aside, don't let this come between you and your friends. I've seen you with Jasmine and Anna and I know that they'll stand with you through anything if you just let them." He started to get up, then settled back into the sofa and faced me with mock seriousness. "You can't tell anyone about this conversation, okay? It could ruin my whole reputation."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want that."

He grinned and made his way back to his dormitory. Just before he went through the door I called his name and thanked him. He smiled at me over his shoulder and left me to my thoughts.

I'm still not sure I'm quite ready to tell anyone. But I also know he's right about the fact that I can't do this alone. I'm really not sure how anyone will react, but I've realized the first person I need to admit this whole mess to is myself. I'm finally going to go through the whole story of my curse. No distracting myself with other thoughts. If I have an attack halfway through, so be it, but I will come back to it again, as many times as I need to, until I can say that I've faced it. And maybe if I can be brave enough to tell myself the whole story, beginning to end, I'll be able to tell Anna, and maybe even Jasmine. Jasmine is supposed to be my best friend, and you don't hide things like this from your best friend. And your best friend is supposed to be your friend no matter what.

Maybe this will be okay, whatever happens this year.


End file.
